Changes
by swoonforsirius
Summary: After a year of LA and fighting back the appocalypse, Spike finally makes his way to Buffy in Rome. He only wanted to see her, to finally tell her that yes he was alive but finds himself the focus of an intense spell created by The Higher Powers just for him as a reward for fighting for a soul. Spike knows this spell will change him- can he find it in him to accept a new destiny?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It had taken him three months since that battle with Wolfram and Hart to make his way to Rome. It would have taken him just a week if he had wanted to fly, but he didn't like flying so he had made his way to Europe on a cruise boat. He had spent most of the salary he had earned at Wolfram and Hart getting to Rome, but now he was here.

The time had come to tell Buffy he was alive. He had been putting it off for months, scared that she wouldn't be as happy to see him as he wanted, scared that she would choose Angel over him. But now something was telling him that it was time, so he had made his way to Rome and sat in his hotel room for a week trying to convince himself to find her. He knew Angel would have called her the minute he recovered from his injuries but he had wanted to see her face, even if just for a moment.

With a sigh, he forced himself to leave the hotel and into the Heart of Rome. He could see the Colosseum in the distance and when he scented Buffy he headed towards it. He had forgotten how much he loved her scent, the way she smelled like raspberries. He could track her across the world (and he supposed he had) without feeling this way about any other scent.

He spotted her in the Roman Forum, fighting three vampires and edged closer. She was beautiful. He knew that already, he remembered that golden hair and that beautiful face. He remembered the beautiful way she moved when she was fighting. But when he saw her he knew his memory hadn't done her justice.

As she threw a vamp towards the wall of some ruin or other, he stepped in and caught the vampire, dusting him effortlessly. He watched her finish off the other two before turning towards where the vamp should have been. Her stake fell from her hands as her eyes met his.

"Spike?" He heard her whisper and the uncertainty in her voice.

He nodded and walked towards her. He had never felt as nervous as when he approached her. He tried to fix his usual cocky grin onto his face but knew it looked false.

"Buffy." He said her name like it was a prayer, and to him it was.

He was so mesmerised that he didn't see her hand coming until she had slapped him across the face. Then she hugged him hard and long. His face split into a grin as he held her in his arms and savoured this moment. How could he have stayed away from her this long?

When she finally pulled away, he was shocked to see she had tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry, pet."

"I thought you were dead." Her tone was accusatory and he knew she was angry that he hadn't called her from LA. He had wanted to, but it didn't seem like a conversation you could have over the phone. He didn't know how to tell her that aloud. Instead he walked back with her to her apartment.

At the door, he turned to leave but Buffy called him back.

"Spike, come inside? I've got something to talk to you about, and I'm sure Dawn would love to see you." He idly wondered if she knew how much her voice affected him. She probably didn't.

He stepped over the threshold and into her flat, her life. A blur of brown hair collided with him as Dawn knocked him back almost out of the apartment. He chuckled as she hugged him even tighter than Buffy had before grabbing his arm and dragging him into a small sitting room.

"Oh, my God, Spike! We thought you were dead! Well we thought you were dead and then Willow told us you were alive and then Buffy called Angel and he said you had set out for Rome almost four months ago and so we went looking for you but we couldn't find any trace of you and after a couple of months we worried that you had died." Dawn rambled on, getting increasingly faster until Spike could only make out alternate words.

"You asked Angel about me?" He scoffed indignantly. He should have bloody well known that that git would have told them to expect him dead. He had told Angel he was taking a boat (or several) rather than a plane but had he bloody well been listening? No, of course not.

"Uh-huh. Willow told us to. But then Angel got all grouchy with Buffy because she was asking questions about you and not him until he finally admitted that you had been at Wolfram and Hart with him until after you guys stopped the apocalypse." Spike could only grin at Dawn as she rambled on. He always had a soft spot for her; she at least had always seemed to prefer him over Angel.

It wasn't that he hated Angel, not anymore, but every time he saw Angel he was reminded of all the bad things he had done. He knew it was the same for Angel and it was why they clashed on just about everything.

Buffy re-entered the living room then and stood leaning against the wall just looking at him. He had no idea what she was thinking. He felt weirdly at peace here, with Buffy and Dawn, more so than he ever had at Wolfram and Hart.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as Dawn looked back and forth between Spike and Buffy before making up an excuse about an assignment and leaving the room. Buffy moved over to sit on a chair facing Spike. He wasn't sure what to say to her. Maybe it had been a mistake to come here after all.

"Why didn't you tell me you had survived?" Buffy's question seemed unnaturally loud compared to the silence they had been sitting in.

"I wanted you to remember me as a champion." Spike had vowed he wouldn't lie to her anymore and he would try to keep that promise even if it revealed his selfishness.

"You are a champion. I missed you." Her voice was soft- softer than she usually used on him and it revealed a vulnerability Spike hadn't known she had towards him. He could only nod in response.

"We've been looking for you, like Dawn said. Willow was shown this spell that-"

"Buffy, not tonight." Spike interrupted. He didn't want to talk about some spell, he was tired and weary and it was a long walk back to his hotel. He stood up. "Listen, I'm going to take off now but if you like I could swing by and help you patrol tomorrow?"

"You're leaving? You stop by for twenty minutes and then just leave. I haven't seen you for over a year, I thought you were dead…"

Spike didn't know what to say, just seeing her had been enough for him. "I-"

"I mean, you've been missing for three months, THREE months and no-one knew where you were and you come in all "Hi Buffy, bye Buffy" and I'm supposed to be okay with that?" Buffy yelled at him.

Dawn came rushing back into the room and pushed him back onto the sofa. "You can't leave. You haven't heard about Willow and the spell. Buffy, tell him about the spell." Spike sighed in frustration. Bloody stubborn Summers girls.

"I was trying to Dawn."

"Then try harder Buffy."

Okay. Okay. Spike, Willow knows a spell that can turn you human again."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Okay. Okay. Spike, Willow knows a spell that can turn you human again."

Buffy watched as Spike face flittered through emotions: shock, hope, denial, hope, before finally settling at angry.

"That's Angel's destiny, not mine, Slayer." Spike's voice was harsh and Buffy knew that tone well. It was the one he used with her every time he was sure he was about to be hurt, every time he was sure she was about to hurt him.

"Spike," her voice was cracked with vulnerability but she couldn't hide it. She was hurt that he didn't believe her. _Just like he didn't believe you when you told him you loved him, _Buffy's subconscious whispered to her.

"Spike, please just sit down and let us explain." Dawn begged with him, and to Buffy's surprise he nodded and sat back down. He didn't look at Buffy; he just stared at her sister. Buffy felt an irrational flare of jealousy.

"A couple of nights ago," Dawn began as Buffy took a seat next to Spike. "Willow woke up to find a message scrawled on her walls from The Powers. The message was a series of pictures that featured blond haired vampire with a soul and a blond slayer. It showed them undergoing a trial and at the end of it the vampire was a human."

Buffy watched as Spike digested this news- did he believe them yet? He didn't say a word, just stared blankly into space.

"Willow sent pictures, wanna see?" Dawn continued brightly. Spike nodded and Dawn left to fetch them.

"I'm sorry," Buffy tried gently.

"Sorry for what, luv?" He sounded weary, Buffy thought, as though he hadn't slept for months. "I'm the one who should be sorry, for, you know, not telling you was alive an' all."

Buffy smiled and placed a hand on his arm. He stared at it dumbfounded for a moment before meeting her eyes.

"Buffy, if this is true… I don't even know how to be human anymore."

It was one of those rare moments where they both looked at each other and didn't try and hide who they were. He'd done monstrous things, even since getting a soul and he knew it, she could see the shame and regret in his eyes. And she'd treated him as a monster, as a shameful dark secret and she knew he could see the regret in her eyes.

Dawn ran into the room then, carrying the pages that Willow had faxed over. She eagerly thrust them into Spikes hands then shuffled in between them obliviously. Spike chuckled and moved over to accommodate her. Buffy had almost forgotten how good he was with Dawn.

Dawn took out the first picture and pointed. "Look there's you with the blond hair and pointy teeth dripping blood and this ring of white light around you symbolises your soul. See? And there's Buffy with her slayer weapon-y thing." Spike nodded, his eyes lighting up in what Buffy thought might be hope.

Dawn pulled out the second page. "And here are you and Buffy fighting those ubervamps again, you know the Turok-Han, while… well that part of the ritual is a bit vague but it involves guarding something."

Dawn pulled out the final page. "And this is you with all the dead ubervamps at your feet, but this time you have no fangs and your soul isn't shown which Willow assures me is because you're human and their souls aren't shown in this kind of picture."

Buffy watched as Spike reached out and touched the human version of himself, an expression of tortured hope on his face. The slam of the front door broke the spell and he looked up at her, his expression closed.

"Hey guys. Oh my God, Spike, you're back!" It was Andrew. He looked on the verge of jumping Spike and rambling on so Buffy shot a look at Dawn.

"Hey Andrew, come in the kitchen and I'll make you some dinner." The pair left but Buffy didn't know what to say now they were alone again.

"How long do I have to decide?"

"Theoretically indefinitely, but if someone else finds out about it…" Buffy had thought that Spike would jump on this chance, not hesitate. He wasn't the same vampire she had known in Sunnydale, but then she wasn't the same girl she had been back then either. The end of the world did that to you: it changed you.

"I'll, err, let you know then, pet." Spike stood up to leave again, his hands tucked into the pockets of his dark jeans. His position made his biceps tense in the black t-shirt he wore. He had buffed up even more since Sunnydale.

"You could stay here tonight." Buffy asked again. After thinking he was dead she just wanted to be near him. And she was remembering the old days, when she'd fallen asleep in his arms. He'd once told her that holding her all night had been the best night of his life, and she agreed whole heartedly. She wanted that again.

She thought he would refuse, but he didn't. He just nodded, threw her an arrogant tongue-in-cheek smile that she hadn't seen in far too long and raised his eyebrows at her. "I've only been around one night and you're already trying to get me into bed, luv. I didn't know you'd missed me so much."

"My bedroom is this way." Ignoring his last statement, she led him through the living area, pausing to call out a 'goodnight' to Dawn and Andrew, and into her bedroom.

She looked nervously at her double bed. Even though they'd slept in each other's arms before, it had never been in her bed. This was strangely intimate, more personal than she had been expecting. A glance at his face showed he felt it too, although he was hiding it under his nonchalant expression.

She reached under the pillow for her pyjamas, a top and shorts set that kept her cool in the hot nights here. Before she could ask him to, he had turned so she could change and removed his own t-shirt as she did so. She looked critically at his jeans as she climbed into bed.

"Those will be too hot to sleep in." Spike shot her another smirk and stripped down to his black boxers before sliding in beside her.

They faced each other, their bodies not touching but close. Buffy closed her eyes as Spike's rough hand caressed her cheek lightly. He lay and arm gently over her torso and she edged herself closer to him, resting her head on his chest as he rolled slightly to make it more comfortable for her.

"Night Spike." She whispered placing her hand on his chest. To think, soon when she did that she might be able to feel his heartbeat... She felt a small smile appear on her lips as she imagined it.

"Night Buff. I missed you too."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**Re review Spike Fan: I know I totally agree about the boxer thing but I was trying to keep this chapter platonic and didn't think that would happen otherwise.**

Chapter 3

Buffy woke before Spike the next day. Her face flushed as she realised how close they were, their legs tangled together and his hand in her hair as her head rested on his chest. She tried not to wake him as she slid herself from his grasp, but her stirred anyway and squinted up at her.

"Go back to sleep, Spike, it's still early for you." She whispered as she rummaged for clothes in the wardrobe. He nodded and closed his eyes again.

She dressed casually in a light blue skirt and white shirt before heading into the kitchen. She was starving! It was very rare she would head to bed before an after patrol pig out session. Dawn and Andrew were sitting at the breakfast table when she entered. Buffy smiled at the two of them as she dropped down onto a stool.

"Good night, Buffy?" Dawn raised her eyebrows as she teased her and Andrew let out a little giggle.

"Dawn, nothing happened. It's not like that, it's complicated." Buffy grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal before adding milk and beginning to eat rapidly.

"Oh please. It is so like that and both of you know it." She glanced at Andrew for support, but he held his hands up in a surrendering position. Buffy knew he hated to get involved in their arguments. "We can here, all the way to Europe because you lost him. You think we didn't know how often you cried? And you still haven't forgiven Giles for that thing with Principle Wood…"

Buffy froze in shock. None of her friends had mentioned Giles trying to kill of Spike since the apocalypse. They'd known better than to bring it up, knowing it would send her into a depression fuelled rage, and now Dawn mentioned it casually over breakfast.

"We came here to round up the potentials-" Buffy began weekly before Dawn cut her off.

"We came here to get away from everyone." Buffy tried to rein in her temper at Dawns words but she couldn't. She'd held this in for over a year, all the anger and rage.

"We came here because I couldn't trust anyone! We came here because when things were bad everyone turned away from me as if it was my fault. Everyone Dawn, even you." Her tone was harsh, she knew, but at least she hadn't shouted.

Buffy watched as tears filled Dawn's eyes, but she didn't take the words back. It was time they talked through this, past time really. Neither of them had brought it up before, but Buffy knew Dawn was sorry and she no longer blamed Dawn.

"Dawn, it wasn't your fault. You thought you saw mom…" Buffy began, looking at the silent Andrew for help. He edged of his seat and towards Dawn, his arm banding around her shoulder.

"It was all our faults Buffy, even mine. Willow and the others didn't want you in charge but I was the one who asked you to leave. I'm the reason you still won't answer the phone to any of them." Dawn's voice was choked and she leaned into Andrew's embrace.

"She's right, pet." Spike voice startled them all as he popped his head around the kitchen door and nodded towards the window. Andrew leaped up to draw the blinds so Spike could enter.

He strolled in dressed only in his black jeans and rolled his eyes at the looks they all gave him. "What? It's hot in the day time."

Buffy snorted, and like that the tension in the room dissolved.

"Anyway, like I was saying, Dawn's right Buff, they did all abandon you. But you've forgiven her so I don't see the problem." He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. Buffy grinned at him in thanks for ending the conversation.

"Spike, I picked up some blood from the butchers for you last night. It's just in the fridge there." Andrew said as he headed back to his stool. Buffy looked at him in surprise.

"We thought you guys might have wanted some privacy." Andrew mumbled, blushing bright red. Spike raised an eyebrow at her and stuck his tongue in his cheek; Buffy felt herself getting a bit flushed at the thought. _Don't think_ _about him like that, _Buffy told herself, _not until he's decided whether or not he wants to be human._

"And on a completely unrelated note, we won't be home tonight." Dawn injected with a wink. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"If you wanted to, we could go get your things from the hotel tonight after patrol? It makes more sense for you to stay here than to waste your money on a hotel." Buffy asked Spike, almost fearing he would say no.

"That sounds good, luv, if you don't mind me staying?" She could see the vulnerability in his eyes and struggled not to give a small smile as he asked her permission. This was something the old Spike would never have done.

"Nope." She smiled up at him. "I'll even show you the training site on the way to your hotel. I don't have any classes tonight but there is one on tomorrow."

"You give Slayer classes?" Spike asked her curiously.

"Uh-huh. I'm even on the payroll of the new Watcher's Council." Buffy was unbelievably glad that she didn't have to hold a horrible job as well as train now. Since the Watcher's Council had appointed Giles as their head, he had demanded that she be paid for what she was doing. The other Watchers didn't dare argue.

Spike chuckled as he placed a cup of blood in the microwave. Then something seemed to dawn on him and he turned towards Andrew. "What do you mean you won't be home tonight?" He demanded

"Well, it's our one year anniversary and we thought we'd celebrate by going to a fancy hotel." Andrew admitted nervously, with a glance at Buffy. She smiled. _Spike acts as if Dawn is his younger sister, not mine._

"Oh. And that's okay with you?" He turned towards her and she nodded her head at him. That seemed to take him off guard. "Okay then, have a good time. And, err, if you ever hurt her or you'll have me to deal with."

Dawn rushed to hug Spike and Buffy was struck by how easy it would be for them all to become a family. _He really cares about Dawn as well as me. _

Dawn and Andrew said their goodbyes and went to pack, leaving Buffy alone with Spike in the kitchen. She could take her eyes of his naked torso; she was convinced he'd bulked up more since 'dying'. It was even easy to forget he was drinking blood, the cup porcelain hid that. His question startled her from her staring.

"So you haven't forgiven Giles yet, pet?"

"He wanted you dead. It's more than just about you and me though Spike, if he'd succeeded who would have rallied me when I was down? You brought me back when they kicked me out, you gave me the fight to face Caleb again." Buffy admitted quietly. She didn't like admitting how much she'd needed Spike that night, not to anyone.

He cupped her face lightly in his hand. "You're a fighter, luv. You would've made it through without me if you'd had to."

His grasp forced her to look into his eyes as he spoke, lifting her spirits when she didn't even know they'd been down. "Thank you," she whispered.

His lips met hers then, quick and firm before pulling away. She made a noise of protest and he chuckled.

"I've just had a cup of blood, pet. At least let me brush my teeth before I kiss you for the first time in far too long."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A week of living with Buffy had taken its toll on Spike. He longed to kiss her, to love her, but he didn't dare. Instead he held her in his arms every night and told himself that should be enough. And it was, but that didn't stop the mounting frustration- which was where the vampires came in.

Right now he was fighting a group of six vamps inside Circus Maximus and he was enjoying working off the frustration. A good fight wasn't as good as sex, but it came close. There was just something about the battle high that he craved.

He kicked the female vamp in the chest and she staggered backwards but before he could finish her he took a vicious punch to the side. He snarled as his game face snapped on and he threw the vamp that had punched him into the female in front. He ducked out of the grabbing hands of the other vamps and ran towards the two that were now heaped on the floor, pulling a stake out of his back jeans pocket. He dusted them both easily with two powerful swipes.

He whipped around, cursing as the stake fell to the floor. If he had been wearing his leather duster he would have been carrying more weapons but it was too hot for his coat here in the summer nights. He faced the four remaining vamps with a feral grin.

"Come on then, punks." He taunted. They rushed at him.

He easily sidestepped the first vamp but the next caught him with a kick to the ribs that sent him spinning around. He ducked to avoid the next kick and reached out for his stake. It was just out of reach. He grabbed the ankle of the vamp and brought him to the floor, rolling over him to get closer to the stake. He grabbed it and, after wrestling the vamps arms out of the way, staked him through the heart. Three down…

He surveyed the remaining three. They were panting heavily for breath- an obvious sign that they were newly turned. Spike wanted to yell at them, to tell them that no matter how many breaths they drew in that unquenchable ache in their lungs would never subside. But he didn't, there was no point when he would be dusting them tonight.

Instead he ran at the biggest remaining vamp and slugged him in the stomach. They traded blows for a minute until the vamp punched him fiercely in the face and Spike felt the white hot pain of a burst lip. He licked the blood away but before he could attack again he was pulled back by another vamp. He snarled loudly and tackled this vamp. The rolled to the floor and Spike easily pinned and dusted him. He stood and faced the big one again.

"Think you can take me on, bub?" Spike scoffed before aiming a kick to his stomach and following it up immediately with a blow to his chest.

The resounding thud made Spike grin and he quickly closed the distance between them. He threw his arms around the vamps neck in a twisted parody of an embrace and jerked them down to meet the knee he thrust up to meet them. That crunch was sweet music to his ears when mixed with the vamps howl of pain.

"That's for the lip."

But he had dropped his stake again and he couldn't see it in the immediate area. Instead, he grabbed the vamps head and twisted his neck until it snapped. The vamp crumbled to dust in his hands and Spike wiped them clean on his jeans. He turned to the last vamp, the runt of the litter, who had stayed clear of the fighting.

"You're a traitor to your own race." The little vamp spat before turning and fleeing the arena. Spike could have easily caught him if he ran after him but instead he turned towards the presence that he had felt watching him during the fight as his face slipped back to human. Buffy stepped out of the shadows.

"Enjoy the show, luv?" He asked with his trademark cocky grin in place. He surveyed her, taking in the baggy black pants and tight white vest top, and decided that she had just finished slayer school. It must be later than he thought. He tried not to notice how the pants showed off her tight waist or how the top highlighted her perky breasts.

_Damn, I had just been working off this frustration…_

"You were playing with them. The Spike I know could have easily dusted them in half that time." She stated as he walked over to her. They turned and left the old arena, heading towards the coliseum.

He wanted to wrap his arm around her as they walked, but he didn't know if she would see that as too possessive. Well, only one way to know for sure. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. She looked up at him in surprise and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sometimes you just need a good fight." He licked the blood from his lip again and winced.

"You're hurt." Buffy grabbed his chin and pulled it round to face her. She gently traced his bleeding lip with her fingertip and he almost shivered with desire.

"Just a cut." His voice was deepened with lust as he stared down at her and she stared up at him. She stood up on her toes and placed a chaste kiss to his sore lip.

A primal hunger roared through Spike as she licked his blood of her own lip. The demon inside of him roared in approval and he had to battle with himself not to grab her roughly. He reached out and traced her cheekbone with his thumb and she smiled up at him.

"Buff?" She nodded at his unspoken question, all the encouragement he needed.

He dipped his lips down to hers and pressed a firm kiss on her soft lips. He licked the seam of her lips even as she eagerly opened them for him. His tongue rolled against hers greedily, in a paradise that he had missed more than life (or unlife) itself. He flattened a palm on her cheek, feeling the flex of her jaw as they kissed. He felt her hands tangle in his hair and he growled in approval.

He pulled back and stared into Buffy's hooded eyes. As a vamp, he could hear her heartbeat pulsing in her body and knew that it was faster than normal. He knew her breath had quickened as well and that she was completely affected by their kiss. But a part of him yearned to kiss her as if he was mortal, to feel the intense rush of feeling that could only be felt by mortals. He made up his mind there and then: he wanted to be human again.

He kissed her again, knowing that she would discount his decision if she knew he had decided from their kiss, that she would think he would change his mind or regret the decision. Even if they didn't end up together, and Spike knew that was a high possibility, he wanted to be able to fully love another- in a way that is impossible without the threat of death.

She responded to his kiss fervently, her hands all over his back and in his hair. He tangled his hand into her beautiful long locks and tilted her head to the side for better access. He broke away from her lips and traced kisses along her neck, scarping his fangs lightly against her skin in a way he knew she loved. She moaned and he reluctantly pulled away again.

"We're getting a bit carried away in the middle of the street, luv." Spike chuckled darkly. Buffy's eyes widened as she realised that he was right.

"Let's go home." She muttered quietly, causing Spike to grin before he remembered to keep his cool.

She linked her hand in his and pulled him along the street gently. They walked in silence, both reflecting on the kiss and both reluctant for this night to end.

The old Spike wouldn't have pulled away from their kiss, but the old Spike had been someone that Buffy hadn't wanted to have a relationship with. He loved her, and if he wanted to convince her to give them another go he would have to try and be a better person (and yes he used that term loosely) for her. Also, he couldn't risk pushing her too far and alienating her when they had a ritual to complete.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Oh my God, what am I doing? _Buffy thought as she entered the apartment with Spike behind her and called out for Dawn. No answer. That girl was out more often than she was in.

"I don't think she's home, pet. I don't sense anyone here but us." Spike's whisper in her ear caused her to shiver lightly. She turned to face him.

His eyes were dark with lust and she caught his gaze. They both knew what was going to happen tonight. They'd been fighting it all week and it had been driving Buffy crazy. Every time she'd woken up with Spike's arm around her and his erection pressed against her arse, she'd considered jumping him. How she'd managed not to… well, let's just say that her Slayer Classes had been even more vigorous than usual and she had the bruises to prove it.

For a moment neither of them moved. Buffy was caught up in the fierce beauty of the sharp lines of Spike's face, the upward curve of his sensual lips and the hint of fang that escaped them. She slowly lifter her hand, traced one of those cheekbones with her thumb and smiled as his hands tangled in her hair.

He used his hands to tilt her head and crashed his lips to hers, hot and wet. She opened her mouth for him immediately and thrust her tongue to meets his. The kiss was fierce and passionate and familiar, yet it excited Buffy to her core. She broke from the kiss to gasp for air and then moaned as Spike nibbled his way down her throat to her collarbone.

She fisted her hands into his t-shirt as he backed her against the wall. He kissed his way back up her neck to her ear, tugging the lobe with his teeth. "You taste so good, Buff… so good."

His words sent another round of shivers across her body and she tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. "Shirt off. Now."

He raised his arms so she could tug it over his head and throw it onto the floor. She moaned at the expanse of hard, muscled skin that was revealed and eagerly ran her hands over it. The cool feel contrasted her own blazing heat, providing a miniscule amount of relief from the rising lust coursing through her veins. Her lips returned to his, tongues meeting in a fight for dominance even more fierce than before. Her hands curled into claws, digging into the rock hard flesh of his pecs, a plea for more.

He tugged on her tank-top now and it soon joined his on the floor, followed immediately by her bra. She gasped out his name as his lips left hers and sought her breasts. His tongue laved her puckered nipple, causing her to squirm in pleasure before he at nipped it. God she loved those teeth! He was always careful not to break her skin but to draw sharp pleasure to wherever they played.

"Spike! I need more, please." Buffy moaned as her nails raked across Spike's back.

His hand strayed down to her pants, undoing the tie before pushing them down her legs where they pooled at her feet. She kicked her trainers off, then her pants and stood dressed only in her knickers. She was glad they were nice: dark blue and small and leaving very little to the imagination. Spike let out an appreciative groan as he looked his fill.

"I think you have too many clothes on." She decided, nodding her head for emphasis and pouting.

He grinned, cocked his eyebrow and began to undo his dark jeans- how he could wear them in the heat of this country, she didn't know. She watched as he slid his pants down his legs and kicked them off with his shoes. He was completely naked and she bit back her moan.

"Much better," she teased.

Her gaze focussed on his shaft, thick and hard and straining towards her. She licked her lips in anticipation and stepped closer. Pulling Spike's head down for another kiss, she pressed herself against the line of his hard body. His erection pressed against her stomach and she moaned into his mouth. She reached a hand down to stroke him, firmly as she remembered he liked. He let out a broken groan that sent spikes of pleasure through her body.

Unable to take anymore, she grabbed Spike's hand and drew him over to the sofa, pushing him into a seating position. His hands came around her waist and eased her knickers down her legs. His calloused hands felt delicious on her soft thighs. She bit her lip as he pulled her on to his lap and placed his large hands on her arse and began to move her against him. To have him so close but not inside her was the sweetest form of torture she could imagine.

His hand moved to her front, sliding down her stomach and past the small triangle of curls at the juncture of her thighs. His thumb slipped into her folds, caressing her clit before slipping inside. Her breath hitched as she felt him inside.

Spike met her gaze then, with a cocky grin, before he slid his thumb out of her and licked it. Her eyes shuttered at the site.

"I've missed this luv," he whispered as he gripped her hips and thrust inside her.

She cried out as he filled her in one swift movement. His head fell back onto the back of the couch as he thrust into her, hard and deep. She met his thrusts, increasing the pace and power until they were both crying out with each movement and the sofa was inching across the floor. His hand returned to playing with her clit, and God, nothing had ever felt this good.

Her skin was burning, on fire for him- only for him. She was almost there, so close to that moment of perfection and she just needed one thing. Her hand gripped his chin and pulled his head round until their gazes locked. His eyes were almost black with passion and that was all she needed- to know he was just as affected by this as she was. She came apart in his arms, gasping his name.

He quickened his strokes even more until moments later he joined her with a final thrust. She leaned her forehead, slick with sweat, against his as she waited for the tremors to subside and tried to regain her breath.

"That was…" She trailed off, unable to think of the words to describe it.

"Bloody fantastic?" Spike laughed, rolling them over so they were lying on the sofa with his arms around her. She nodded her agreement and curled closer into his side, suddenly exhausted. She couldn't keep her eyes open and before she could say anymore, she was asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: dory about the delay in updating but ive had uni exams and been working a lot over the xmas holidays**

Chapter 6

Buffy woke to cool naked skin pressing against hers. Her eyes fluttered open in surprise before last night came rushing back to her. She expected to be on the couch but was surprised to be in her own bed with her head on Spike's chest.

"What the hell?" She mumbled, sitting up in confusion.

"I carried you here when you fell asleep." Spike's voice startled her causing her to jump in alarm. She glanced over at him to see a satisfied grin curling his lips. "Morning, Slayer."

Her gaze swept over his naked chest and abs before meeting his eyes. Her own smile was sweet and a little bit nervous. It was the first time she had slept with Spike since she had developed feelings for him and she didn't know how to feel about that. "Morning, Spike."

Was Dawn home? Surely she would be by now. Oh, God, hopefully she didn't know about them. Buffy had always kept her private life, well private, especially when it came to Spike. Come to think about it, what time even was it? Surely it was too early for Spike to be awake. She reached an arm out to turn her clock. It had barely gone half one in the afternoon: far too early for Spike.

Buffy sat up slowly and rolled out the bones in her shoulders. The bed sheet fell from her and she heard Spike let out a low groan of need. Though she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with him, Buffy forced herself to dress in a yellow mini-skirt and cream shirt. Her hair was a hopeless mess so she threw it back in a ponytail. She headed to the door before turn back to Spike.

"Get some rest, Spike, it's still early. I'll go see Dawn and then come wake you later." Buffy felt oddly domestic, having a (sort of) man in her bed- as if she were any other woman in the world. It was very un-Buffylike- especially lately.

"Okay, Slayer. Maybe tonight we could look into that ritual of yours to make me human again?" Spike asked with a casual shrug.

He wanted to be human again? A grin spread across her face but she tried to hide it. This could just be the afterglow- did men even get afterglow after sex?- talking. All the same, Spike could decide that he didn't want to be human again by the end of the day. So she wouldn't get her hopes up then, not until the ritual actually took place. She nodded and left him alone.

Dawn and Andrew were in the kitchen eating pizza. When Buffy walked in Andrew let out a very girly giggle that caused Dawn to choke on her pizza. Buffy closed her eyes in defeat; they obviously knew about her and Spike last night, though how she couldn't say.

"You guys, err, left your clothes in the living room last night." Dawn snickered, answering Buffy's unasked question.

"Oh, God." Buffy was mortified that they had been so stupid last night. And as Dawn was the chief gossiper of the Scoobies, Buffy knew the rest of the gang would know by sunset. Xander would of course disapprove and Buffy knew without a doubt that Giles would be less than thrilled.

Speaking of the Scoobies, they were due to web chat tonight, but Buffy now had more important things to do on her night off from Slayer School. Of course, this meant she was missing the fifth web chat in a row and Giles would be on her back to get in touch with them all. But Buffy could deal with that at a later date, when Spike had gone through the ritual.

"Me and Spike are going out tonight. We'll miss the web chat so you'll have to take notes for me, cool?" Buffy didn't miss the way Dawn's face flashed with disappointment but not surprise. Had Buffy really avoided the gang that much lately? She was busy with Slayer School and actual slaying most nights. She at least kept them informed on important information. "I'll make the next one, I promise."

Buffy grabbed a slice of pizza and slid on to a stool. She knew Dawn wanted to discuss Spike but Buffy was so not going there- she didn't know herself what she was feeling. Instead she asked if Willow had received any more information on the ritual- she hadn't. She asked if there had been any more big-bads- there hadn't been.

At four, Buffy went to wake Spike. He was lying on top of the sheet, completely naked and fast asleep. When she shook him awake his piercing dark eyes seared her own. The way he looked at her- he had no morning after regrets, she could tell. She swallowed at the heat in his eyes; they didn't have time for this tonight.

"Get up, get dressed, drink some blood. We've got a ritual to complete." She demanded in her I'm-the-slayer-I'm-the-boss tone.

She walked to the wardrobe and changed into loose black sweats and a tight workout top. Spike dressed in his usual black jeans and a t-shirt- and damn if they looked _good _on him today. She bit her lip to hide her moan and pushed lusty thoughts from her mind. Tonight required focus and strength and whatever else Giles had used to drill into her when he was her watcher.

Next stop was her armoury- or the spare wardrobe that she had filled full of weapons in the living room. The only things they knew they would be fighting were the Turok-han but they had to arm for other foes. Buffy loaded up on knives, stakes, a retractable sword and a crossbow. Spike chose his own weapons then they turned to face each other.

"You sure you want to do this, Spike?" Buffy kept her tone neutral. Right now she was the slayer, not Buffy and she would try to keep professional. She was really hoping he still said yes.

"I'm sure, pet. How many vamps get a chance like this one?" Spike's tone was cocky, as it always was, but Buffy knew him well enough to know he was nervous.

"If this works, you'll be the first that I know of."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Spike's mind was anything but quiet as they stalked through the catacombs under Rome. He had thought they were just going to do some recon tonight but Buffy had decided to complete the ritual. If this worked, tomorrow he'd be human again.

It was all going so fast, almost too fast for him. He was a vampire, for god's sake, he had hundreds of years of experience but if this worked he'd have another forty, fifty years or so left to live. More than that, he'd have to live as a human- he'd have no super-strength or any of his other heightened abilities. No, he'd have the dulled senses that he couldn't remember living with. He would also have all the weaknesses of a human.

But he wouldn't- couldn't- change his mind. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Besides, if he didn't like mortal life he could always find another vamp to turn him back. That would mean he would have to undergo the Demon Trials again for his soul though. He shuddered at the thought.

He walked behind Buffy as they made their way through the dark, damp tunnels that were a far cry from the ones that made up the tourist attraction. The smell of the moist earth around them reminded Spike of the few times he'd been buried alive by his enemies and he wondered if Buffy was reminded of the time she had had to crawl her way free of her own grave. If she had been any other girl, he would've made a move to comfort her, but she wouldn't have welcomed the touch when she was working.

He wished he could talk to her. The silence down here was affecting him in ways he didn't like. But they couldn't risk alerting any enemies to their presence so he stayed quiet and moved closer to her. She felt his presence and looked back to smile at him. Her smile quietened the storm inside him and he focussed once more on their task.

As they turned a corner, a small yellow glow came into view ahead of them. Spike knew instantly that this was where the ritual would begin- and that this was where it would probably end. He wasn't too worried about the possibility of dying- he'd gone through too many apocalypses for that- but he was worried for Buffy. This wasn't her fight, yet here she was and she wouldn't even consider leaving him to do this alone.

The tunnel eventually opened into a wide chamber lit by thousands of candles. Wary of the flames, Spike stepped towards and ancient wooden chest in the centre of the cavern. It exuded a powerful draw that couldn't be denied- the ritual was one of severe power. He knelt in front of the box and carefully opened the lid.

"What the hell?"

He had expected an amulet or a talisman of some kind, but all the box contained was a small wooden knife and a white candle. He picked up the chest and turned it upside down, shaking it violently. A piece of paper that had not been there before fluttered to the ground to lie on top of the candle.

Buffy, crouched down next to him and picked up the piece of paper. There was one line of script on it and nothing else. She read it aloud.

"Once a sacrifice had been made the candle must not go out or touch the ground until it had burned away all the wax."

Spike watched Buffy's face cloud in confusion but he thought that he understood what sacrifice was to be made. Wooden knifes were made specifically to use on vampires. For a vampire, any wound inflicted by wood would not heal with the rapidity of all other wounds. It was why slayers used wooden stakes to hunt. And as with every ritual of this power, a blood sacrifice would be required- it seemed that in this case it was his blood needed. He had expected no less, though he had not anticipated the candle.

He picked up the wooden knife with his right hand and slit down his left forearm. Blood welled and spilled to the floor. He quickly grabbed the candle and coated it in blood. As he did so, all the blood was absorbed into the wax and the wick of the candle burst into flame. Enemies would be coming for them now.

He turned to make sure Buffy was ready. She was, she had withdrawn her crossbow and had it aimed at the tunnel they had entered by. Ignoring his still bleeding arm, he palmed the candle in his left hand and held the wooden knife in his right and stood next to Buffy.

"Just like old times, eh Slayer?" He chuckled as the sound of thundering footsteps reached his ears.

Buffy glanced quickly at him and he took the moment to memorise her features, just in case he didn't make it through this. "We'll take turns with the candle. Pass it to me when I've run out of bolts and then you can fight properly."

He nodded quickly at her and rethought the wooden knife idea. While he was holding the candle, he should throw his steel knives instead. Then when he could engage them unhindered he'd take out the wooden weapon and make them bleed.

Speaking of, he really was losing a lot of blood and if that continued then he wouldn't be able to last long. With a snarl, he ripped a strip of cloth from the bottom of his t-shirt and tried to tie it over the cut. Seeing he was struggling, Buffy came over and tied it for him.

She looked at him intently, a fingertip tracing his cheekbone. "Try not to die."

He chuckled at her, his eyes quickly darting to check that their enemies had not reached them yet. "You too, Slayer. You mean too much to me to die now."

Her mouth opened as if to say something but the first of the Turok-han burst into the cave then. Quick as a flash, Buffy released a crossbow straight into the heart of it. He fell to his knees before bursting into dust.

Spike let out a relieved sigh as he began tossing knives. His knives didn't kill the Turok-han as her arrows could- how had she managed that?- but they did incapacitate them and he would finish them off soon enough.

"I hope you've got your scythe handy, Pet. I think you're going to need it." He called over his shoulder as he ran to meet the vamps, cradling the candle in one hand and palming the last of his steel knives in the other.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Buffy watched as Spike attacked the Turok-han with a viscous beauty. He ducked and sliced with the wooden knife as he held the candle safely behind his back. If anyone dared approach him from behind, Buffy aimed her crossbow at them. She hadn't brought her scythe- Faith was currently in possession of it- but she had made sure her ammo could take out the Turok-han. She was running out of bolts now and knew she would have to engage soon. Her heart leaped in excitement at the thought; she hadn't had a decent fight in a long time.

A vampire managed to make its way toward her as she loaded the crossbow. She fired the shot at another vampire close to Spike before jabbing the crossbow itself into the Turok-han's temple. The brute crumpled to the ground and she finished him off with a retractable sword that she pulled from her hidden pocket in her pants.

"Spike the candle!" Buffy called as a vampire took a swipe towards it with his clawed hand.

Spike whirled round at her words and jabbed his wooden knife through the throat of the vampire before tossing the candle towards her. It seemed like every face in the room watched as the candle arced through the air toward her. Buffy's heart stopped at the thought that it would blow out with the movement but the flame remained and she caught it deftly. Her relief was mirrored in Spike's face as he whirled around once more to resume fighting.

Hot wax dripped onto her hand as she fought with the sword. She didn't flinch in her stride but kept dispatching vampires with a grace and fluidity she had almost forgotten she possessed. She and Spike fought well together, both confident enough in the other's abilities not to interfere in their fight. But after what seemed like hours had passed, the Turok-han were still flooding into the cavern and treading through the dust of their fallen brethren that coated the floor like a thick carpet while the candle continued to burn.

By the time the ranks started to thin, Spike was limping heavily and Buffy's left arm couldn't move as freely as she would've liked. Spike was carrying the candle so Buffy could use her uninjured arm to fight freely. She had lost the sword hours ago- the blade had shattered when she had cleaved apart a vampire skull- and she was now fighting with her trusty wooden stake Mr Pointy.

A Turok-han rushed at her and clawed at her right arm. Ignoring the pain, Buffy transferred the stake to her left and thrust it into the vampire's chest. But her injured arm had stopped her from using the necessary force and the vampire advanced on her without bothering to tear the stake free. She used this to her advantage and aimed a kick at his chest that drove the stake in deeper and dusted the vamp.

She glanced over at Spike to see his face was bleeding heavily at both the lip and the protruding 'lumpies' that made up his vampire face. His gaze met hers over the handful of vamps left in the room and he shot her a wolfish grin that should have been grotesque through the blood. It wasn't; it reminded Buffy of what they were fighting for- so that he wouldn't have lumpies and fangs, so that he would be human.

She dispatched another two vampires with relative ease and turned to the only remaining enemy that was engaged with Spike. As she watched he finished the vamp off with a flaming stake and turned to face her, panting heavily.

"Where on earth did you get that?" Buffy asked gesturing to the stake covered in flames.

"I used the candle to set it on fire." He admitted with a chuckle.

As he spoke, he moved the candle in front of him and stared down at it. There was barely any wax left and the flame was flickering dimly. The ritual was almost complete and Buffy knew she had only moments before he changed. She should say something to him now, to let him know what she felt for him.

"Spike, I want you to know that I-"

"Don't say it Buffy. Don't say anything right now."

She could see the vulnerability and pain in his eyes as he stopped her. He almost looked bitter as he stared at her and begged her not to speak with his gaze.

Then he let out a loud groan and fell to his knees on the floor. Buffy rushed over and knelt next to him as his body shook with tremors of pain. There was nothing left of the candle but a puddle of wax on his palm; wax that bubbled before seeping into the skin and spreading up his veins. Spike let out a shout of pain before convulsing into a heap on the ground where he writhed and moaned violently.

Buffy didn't know what to do. She knew this was the spell working its magic on his body but she wished she could take his pain from him. His vampire face faded back into the human face with the ridiculously chiselled cheekbones and proud nose. She had never before realised how aristocratic his features looked as she did now when they were covered with his blood. She wrenched her mind back to the present situation- this was not the time to be checking him out.

In fact she noticed now that blood was pouring from his wounds faster than it should. It was streaming from all the gashes and cuts he had received in the fight at an alarming rate. Even the t-shirt rag that he had used to cover the wound from the wooden knife was now soaked in blood and leaking through.

"Oh God."

Buffy placed her hands over the knife wound and tried to slow the bleeding but couldn't. Spike was now surrounded in a puddle of dark red blood, unmoving and silent now. Had it all gone wrong? Was he dead?

Buffy desperately pulled up his eyelids to see if his eyes flickered but they were unresponsive and dull. Her panic increased as she let them fall shut again. All she could hear was the loud 'thud-thud' of her heart in her ears as she stared down at him.

No, wait. That wasn't her heart she could hear. It was his- it was Spike's. She could hear him breathing again as well and as she watched, hopeful, his eyes flickered and opened, pinning her with his bright gaze. She let out a sob of relief and gathered him into her arms, holding him tightly to her.

"You're human, Spike. You're alive."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The wax of the candle seeped into Spike's skin and spread like fire through his veins, pushing the tainted blood that flooded his veins out of his body through the wounds he had conceived in battle. Every second was agony and brought him closer and closer to death. His eyelids were too heavy to open even though he was convinced the ritual had failed and ached for one last look at Buffy's face before the end.

Then the wax reached his heart and intense pain flooded his entire body. Nothing had ever burned this much and he knew nothing ever would. The pain kept him sane though- surely it would be fading if he was dying? Surely this meant he would live?

Spike decided the fire in his heart was burning away his demon, his evil, his past. Burning it all away to make room for the man he was becoming. The more he thought this, the more he realised he was right. His body was almost devoid of blood now but he wasn't hungry for more, didn't crave it with all of his being as he had every second of his vampiric existence.

His heart stuttered, stopped. Then it began beating strongly, pumping new blood that the wax had created through his body, to the extremities. His lungs burned for air for agonising seconds before he realised he needed to breathe. Spike drew in a slow, shallow, testing breath and cold air flooded his lungs, spreading relief through his body.

His eyes shot open as he realised he was breathing and his heart was beating _like a human! _

A sob of relief escaped Buffy as she gathered him into her arms. Spike closed his eyes as he felt her soft arms clutching him close. He tried to speak but his throat was too dry. It was moments before he realised he could still hear the beating of Buffy's heart and the blood rushing through her veins. He barely heard the words she spoke as he realised what that meant.

He pulled away from her, afraid that at any moment his blood lust would return and he would be overwhelmed with the urge to sink his fang into her.

"Something's wrong." His voice was rough and gravelly as he scrambled backwards. "I still have heightened senses… The ritual must have gone wrong. Stay back, pet, I don't know if I have control and I might bite-"

Buffy frowned and edged closer to him. "With what? You don't have any fangs, Spike."

Unsure, Spike thrust a finger into his mouth and felt around his teeth. They were as dull as a human's. Relief flooded him. The ritual had worked- _he was human! _ And yet somehow, he had retained some extra abilities. He wondered if his super strength remained and decided he could wait to test it out.

He stood up and held his hand out for Buffy, pulling her to her feet. Then he kissed her.

Her lips were soft on his and her mouth opened eagerly. For the first time, Spike didn't have to hold back for fear of drawing her blood on his sharp teeth. His tongue swept against hers roughly, passionately. He was so lost in her that he almost forgot to breathe until his head swam with lack of oxygen and he had to pull away. It was the last thing he wanted to do; everything was so much more intense as a human. What would being with her feel like now when it had already been incredible before?

He gazed down at Buffy and ran his hand through her soft, golden hair. "That was… You are… Amazing. Thank you for fighting with me."

A smile lit her face as she traced his cheekbone with her finger. "You don't have to thank me, Spike. After all we've been through…"

Spike grinned as he though back over the years he'd known her. They'd had a rough ride that was for sure. But even when he'd hated her, he'd been obsessed with her.

Spike took her hand in his and led them out of the cavern and through the passages. When they came to the mouth of the cave, they saw that the sun was high in the sky- they had been fighting for hours.

Spike hesitated for several moments before stepping out into the sunlight. This was the ultimate test of the ritual's power. Yes he'd been in the sunlight since becoming a vampire -usually heavily cloaked and once with the Gem of Amara- but there was something different about it this time. This time was the real deal. Drawing in a deep breath he stepped out into the surrounding ancient ruins, pulling Buffy with him.

They hesitated, waiting for him to burst into flames. He didn't. With a loud laugh Spike finally realised completely that there was no trace of demon left inside of him. His skin soaked up the sun greedily, warming him, as if desperate to catch up on years of the sun's absence. For the first time in over one hundred years his skin felt warm.

"Bloody hell, I can't believe this actually worked, Slayer. I'm outside in the bloody daylight, and I'm not bursting into flames. It's a bleeding miracle." Spike knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop. His feelings, heavily muted as a vampire and a little dampened when he had re-acquired his soul, were out in full force, staggering with their intensity. Though in the back of his mind there was a niggling uncertainty that he still wasn't good enough for the beautiful goddess standing in front of him.

Buffy beamed up at him. "It's like a Christmas special- where everybody gets the happy ending. Except we're in Rome. And it's summer. And vampires are real…"


End file.
